~:: jOuRnEy ::~

"We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us." -  Marcel Proust

28th April 2009.. 

This is when I've decided to put my thought in this pages.. With no intention other than just to write whatever comes to mind.. whatever I wanted to.. without any expectation..

There are times... I've even stop coming here for quite sometimes.. but then came the twist in life that had put so much unwanted emotions inside of me that I need some place to get these emotions and rage out of my head... or it will literally blow me inside out... so this place becoming sort of therapy to me when my real life are going through it's ups and downs..

Because through my life journey... I've also learn that there is no other person to trust but yourself.. there is no other person can help you but yourself.. there is no other person to help you cope with life struggle but yourself.. and words can soothe me... can teach me to see and hear and feels differently..

Here... I can teach myself to see the other side of each stories.. while learning to observe and read between the lines..

Here.. I can be me... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: sHaTtErEd : PaRt 2 ::~

"A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us." 

— Friedrich Nietzsche

No one can deny.. that life is full of ups and downs... that's the prove that we are living... However.. when we down at the bottom.. It is not a justification to allow anyone to step on you... or kick you when you down there... helpless and hopeless... 

But most of us are creatures of greed and selfishness... that think of themselves before others... so most of these creatures of habit will never see what they do is heartless.. crushing and shattering other people hopes and dreams as long as they achieve theirs... If you can't beat them.. join them... 

So be these creatures and protect yourselves... 

I've been living in hopes and dreams for so long.. but when reality finally comes.. It shattered me into pieces... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEjEcTiOn ::~

"After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken."

— Jodi Picoult (Salem Falls)

This is very straight forward.. but very true.. it may seem disgusting.. and cruel... but this displays correctly... when love is sincere .. they will truly gave their heart... and that is how it felt to be betrayed...

All that's left was just a footstep over a crushed heart...

~:: *** ::~

~:: mEmOrIeS : pArT 2 ::~

"What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it." -  Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Sometimes we just need to accept the facts that.. Although how hard we try to hold on to something we cherish.. One day when we wake up.. We realize that.. What was left was just the memories of it.. Because nothing is permanent.. 

And when those memories comes back to haunt you.. It can make lift you up or throw you to the bottom.. Because memories can also be accompanied by loneliness..

Memories can comes with a smiles... But then left you with tears...

~:: *** ::~

~:: a LiTtLe DoSe oF lAuGhTeR ::~

Base on what he said as the most annoying.. I think no one escape it.. which included himself..

But still.. I can't help laughing to this.. 

~:: gRoW uP & sMeLl ThE cOfFeE ::~

Yes... Life can be hard most of the times.. especially when you are growing older... 

Realizing all the responsibility that you have to take..  On every action that you have made.. It's difficult to run away from this responsibility.. because not deciding in anything is also a decision itself.. 

So grow up and smell the coffee.. what had happen.. had happen.. the damaged has been done.. there is no other way but to accept it and live with it.. deal with it..

Self pity are not sexy...

~:: *** ::~

~:: bEaUtY ::~

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Jim Henson

This is a very nice video.. trying to tells us that how we see ourselves is not necessary how people sees us.. yeah.. although it chooses people that is generally already can be considered beautiful.. but the message is still very deep.. 

But the main point is.. what I can catch is that when this woman said.. "then they asked us to get friendly with this woman ".. So.. for me it means that how people sees us is related to the way how we make them feel.. If this woman is being rude with the other woman.. I don't think she will then describe her in a nice way.. 

The bottom line is.. how we made people feels impacts more..

~:: *** ::~

~:: sUrFaCe ::~

Most people just see on the surface.. and from it they saw what they wanted to see. without even thinking.. they automatically start judging.. assessing what is beauty and what is not.. what they find pleasing and what they thought not..

Which then sometimes makes them forget that what they are seeing is might not unnecessary be true.. because sometimes.. Someone who might appear so strong on the surface.. Might not be that all the way through...

Because sometimes due to unwanted circumstances.. In order to survive.. People will learn to hide what they really feel inside.. So well..

~:: *** ::~

~:: sUnSeT ::~

"Sunset is the saddest light there is." 

— Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life Of Bees)

I've always love to see the sun setting down.. Yes.. it might be the saddest light there is.. But I know that it never occur to us to change any colors that is there in the sunset.. Because it is also one of the most beautiful light there is..

Same goes to life.. For me.. All the emotions that we felt in our life is like this beautiful colors.. Sadness or happiness or whatever it is.. It is what give the color to our canvas of life.. 

Lets learnt to cherish whatever came in our life as we cherish the beauty of the sunset..

~:: *** ::~

~:: pElAyArAn : PaRt 2 ::~

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... di sebuah lautan yang luas..

Telah tetap arah yang ingin dituju.. 

Namun kekadang tersasar dek badai dan gelombang...

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... Yang telah tetap arah yang ingin dituju..

Namun tiada pasti kan tiba di pelabuhan..

Atau karam dipertengahan.. 

~:: fLy AwAy ::~

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time. "

— Jean de La Fontaine

So they said.. but why does I feel like mine won't go away.. following me like a shadow than only grown bigger when I was in the dark... Haunted me like a ghost... What is it that I had done wrong.. Does one false move lead me into a continues false move?

Somehow I feels that this is not where I am suppose to be..

~:: *** ::~

~:: wInDoWs Of LiFe ::~

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Although window is only maybe just a small space consume by a big room.. it's necessity is undeniable.. without it light cannot shine in.. without it we will be suffocated in a room without an air.. And a room with a view makes a lot more different then a room without... but where can we see the view if not through a window.. sometimes we forget how important the smallest things that is always there... until it is gone..


Looking through a window to a beautiful view always make me feels as I was somewhere else.. Feel like I had somehow flown outside my own body looking at myself..

~:: *** ::~

~:: lIfE iS lIkE a GaMe ::~

I was playing this game and get stuck at a level.. It's a strategy and puzzle game where player must achieved a certain target to get to the next level.. The player can still make a move if there are still indicator that known as "spirit" is still available.. These "spirit" will be available randomly each time player made it's move.. If they able to arrange the sequence needed with the "spirit" in this sequence then they are able to collect the "spirit" because each move made will cause you a "spirit". Anyhow..I don't know whether what I am explaining made sense.. Anyone who had played surely understand I guess..

But it is not about the game that I am trying to tell .. It's just that it occurs to me that life itself is so much like this game... 

Each move or decision we made caused us something.. Wrong decision can make us stuck at the same place.. And each time we had achieved the certain level in our life.. the challenges gets tougher.. But what matters the most is that.. If we give up playing then we cannot proceed to the higher level and we cannot skip the stages.. So we will be freeze there... 

But.. There is one thing that is different.. In a game when we see that we are failing.. we can restart the game.. How I wish life is like that which is wasn't.. And we can choose to play another game if we somehow get bored of this game..

But our life is the one and only game that we need to win... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: hUjAn : PaRt 2 ::~

Hujan yang turun bersama air mata..

Bersama pedih, bersama rindu..

Benar... Menitisnya hujan ke bumi.. Sering membawa bersama sendu..

Sering membawa bersama rindu..

Rindu pada masa indah sewaktu masa dahulu..

Yang kini hanya menjadi nostalgia sayu..

Kerana hadirnya hujan.. yang jatuh ke pipi..

Seolah amat mengerti apa rasa hati...