~ Demi Masa ~

Monday, March 24, 2014

~:: dUhAi HaTi ::~

Duhai hati...

Ingatkan sentiasa.. Segalanya milik Allah.. kita hanya hamba.. Allah berhak menguji hambaNya semahunya..

Walaupun ada masanya ujian itu tidak mampu kita fahami.. kesakitan yang dirasa bagai tak mampu untuk ditanggung lagi.. dan hikmahnya takkan pernah dapat kita nikmati di dunia ini..

Namun yakinilah Allah uji kerana Allah sayang.. Mungkin ujian itu dapat menghakis dosa-dosamu.. Mengajarmu agar lebih bijak dari kebodohan masa lampaumu.. Atau mungkin ujian itu untuk mendapat kasih Allah padamu..

Dan yakinilah Allah tidak akan sesekali membebani hambaNya dengan apa yang tidak mampu ditanggung..

Ingatlah jua yang dunia ini hanya tempat untuk menguji dan yakinilah walau seluruh dunia meninggalkanmu.. mengecewakanmu.. Walau segala usahamu gagal.. Walau tiada secebis pun pengorbananmu dihargai.. Namun yakinilah Allah tetap ada untukmu.. Dia Yang Maha Tahu.. Dia Yang Maha Mengerti..

Jadi.. Sabar dan tetaplah tersenyum... Biarlah jika dunia tidak tahu.. Apatah lagi memahami... Biarlah.. Walau lelah hatimu untuk bertahan.. Teruskanlah perjalananmu dengan tenang dan yakinilah yang Dia Yang Maha Penyayang sedang mengatur perjalanan hidupmu dengan kekuasaan dan hikmahNya..

Namun menangislah jika tiada daya hatimu menahan hanya untuk terus bangkit kembali dan terus bertahan..

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

~:: iBrAh DaRi UjIaN ::~

”Dunia penjara bagi orang Mukmin dan Syurga bagi orang kafir.” 
(Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Sudah lama rasanya tidak menulis di sini walau pernah berkata pada diri laman ini akan ku jadikan laman terapi tempat luahan hati.

Teringat diri akan satu pesanan dari Ustaz Pahrol Mohamad Juoi :
Allah memberi peringatan kepada hambaNya dengan ujian kecil seperti membaling batu-batu kecil. Biar rasa sakit sikit untuk menguji samada hambaNya mengingatinya dan berusaha memperbaiki dirinya. Tapi jika si hamba masih alpa dalam mengingatiNya, Allah turunkan musibah umpama membaling batu blok, sebagai panggilan untuk menguji tahap keimanan kita. 
Walau mungkin bukan ayat itu yang dituturkan namun lebih kurang begitulah pesanannya.

Hakikatnya, kita tidak boleh lari dari kenyataan bahawa hidup ini adalah untuk menguji kita. Untuk itu jugalah dunia itu dicipta. Untuk menguji.

Siapalah kita untuk menolak ujian yang diberikan. Siapalah kita untuk membenci setiap ujian yang diberikan. Tidakkah kita sedar kita hanya hambaNya, yang hidupnya kita ini pun juga atas belas ehsanNya. Sedangkan telah termaktub bagi mereka yang mengaku Islam untuk mematuhi rukunNya yang meyakini bahawa setiap ketetapan adalah dari Allah dan atas kehendak Allah.

Diri ini harus perlu terus mengingati, bahawa Allah menguji bukan untuk menghukum. Allah menguji adalah untuk menegur. Untuk memanggil kita kembali pada jalanNya. Mungkin ada kesalahan yang kita lakukan yang tidak kita sedari. Mungkin ada kelalaian dalam keikhlasan hati yang kita tidak ketahui. Jadi Allah menegur. Itulah sebabnya bijak pandai menyatakan Allah menguji kerana sayang. Jadi yakinilah bahawa diri ini bertuah kerana Allah menyayangimu.

Meskipun itu bukan alasan untuk hanya berserah tanpa usaha, namun menyedari hakikat ini mampu buat diri lebih tenang untuk mengatur jalan tuju ini dengan hati yang lebih lapang. Kerana... Jika diri ini disayang Allah. Apa lagi yang perlu dikhuatiri selain untuk menyayangiNya kembali...






Sunday, May 19, 2013

~:: tHe PeNdUluM ::~

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." 
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



I have can not  find ways to describe this beautiful peace... Other than.. Watch and feels..
Yes... Time flies and waits for no man.. appreciate what you have when you still have it.. But learn to let go when the time comes...

Live.. Learnt.. Let go..

~ *** ~

~:: nO wOrDs ::~

"But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie." 
Khaled Hosseini


All the hurt I am feeling and trying to fight right now.. Left me with no words

~ *** ~

Saturday, May 11, 2013

~:: rEaLiTy SuCks ::~

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." 
— Albert Einstein

I've been having a tough time lately... Struggling through defeat of having to lost everything I ever fight and dream for... and having to face a fear of it might be too late for me to start over.. well even I don't really know how to put it whether it is a rejection or betrayal.. or a classic case of people stop believing in you and just gave up on you..


But deep inside I think I had took it as a betrayal... because having to trust someone so much but then just end up facing the things that you never thought they would done to you is rough.. it left me in a state of disbelieve for quite a while.. refusing to accept the fact.. left me in denial.. basically.. I was tormented.. 

I was angry.. but more towards myself.. for failing to see this coming or letting it come.. but most of it because knowing that I had push myself so hard.. putting so much effort and time in this.. risking everything I ever had.. just to face that all of it does not matter.. because the end result is.. I've failed...

The truth is... as of now.. I still haven't see that silver lining.. I am still fighting over my unstable emotions.. and  still feels like trashing everything sometimes.. but whatever it is.. I know I can get over this... one way or  another.. 

I know I need to find a way to get up on my feet again...but right now... I just do not want to push myself too hard and end up getting more frustrated.. although my head won't stop spinning to try to find a way... God.. how I feels like jumping off a cliff most of the time now.. but what good does it give.. sleeping is the best method I have found so far of temporary ease the pain.. 

Whatever it is.. the fact is.. what's done is done.. there's only so much I can control.. I've given my best... although in the end.. it doesn't even matter...  

For me it's tougher to bounce back from betrayal.. because trust needs to be earn...

~:: *** ::~

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

~:: rInDu : PaRt 2 ::~

Terkapar-kapar ku kelemasan.. Sakit dilambung ombak kerinduan
Di dalam tidur di dalam jaga.. Diburu oleh mimpi yang serupa
Mengapa aku jadi tak menentu..

Mendengarkan alunan lagu ini.. aku menjadi rindu...rindu pada apa yang tiada tempat lagi untukku.. rindu pada sesuatu yang telah melupakan aku... aku rindu... pada sebuah rindu dahulu... yang telah berkubur tanpa nisan... yang telah mencampakkan ku tanpa amaran...

Namun apa yang ku rindu adalah dahulu.. yang tiada samanya lagi kini... yang mana dulu turut merindu.. namun kini tiada lagi... 

Mungkin yang ku rindu hanya kenangan... yang telah lama cuba dipadam pemiliknya.. mungkin yang aku rindu hanya impian.. yang telah lama roboh terbenam..

Kini tinggal hanya aku yang merindu...yang merindu apa yang tidak lagi  merindu...

Kini...

Ku menyusuri jalan berliku... Membiarkan hari-hari berlalu..
Tiada salam tiada pesan.. Memaksa diri untuk melupakan..

~:: *** ::~

~:: pAiN - pArT 3 ::~

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." 
Rose Kennedy

I couldn't agree more with that..

Pains stays.. It's just that we either learnt to deal with it.. hide it.. or just plainly ignores it...  Yes.. pains can also teaches you something.. but I wonder why can't life lesson be less painful.. furthermore scars on the  heart cannot be seen by anyone.. as a prove that you have undergone that lesson before.. so is that why life keeps giving you the same lesson over an over again..

Yes.. we cannot put the blame on the lesson of life other then blaming yourself for not being able to produce the different outcome.. but how can one blame themselves if they had given the best that they can give... but the outcome still comes with the gift of pain... We can only control ourselves and how we react towards something not the outcome of it..


And when you down at the bottom.. it's hard to pick yourself up again.. the weight of the pain will keep dragging you down.. Yes.. I know that there is no other way but to live with it and move on... drag yourself if you must... because time will keep on ticking and leave you behind without healing that pain.. but sometimes the exhaustion just makes me want to just lay down..  immobilize.. and let everything else leaves me.. so I can just catch my breath before dragging myself again..

If pains heals.. why does my heart keeps breaking a little seeing something that reminded me of the pain..
Wonder if someone can actually die of a broken heart...

~:: *** ::~

Sunday, April 28, 2013

~:: jOuRnEy ::~

"We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us." -  Marcel Proust
28th April 2009.. 

This is when I've decided to put my thought in this pages.. With no intention other than just to write whatever comes to mind.. whatever I wanted to.. without any expectation..

There are times... I've even stop coming here for quite sometimes.. but then came the twist in life that had put so much unwanted emotions inside of me that I need some place to get these emotions and rage out of my head... or it will literally blow me inside out... so this place becoming sort of therapy to me when my real life are going through it's ups and downs..


Because through my life journey... I've also learn that there is no other person to trust but yourself.. there is no other person can help you but yourself.. there is no other person to help you cope with life struggle but yourself.. and words can soothe me... can teach me to see and hear and feels differently..

Here... I can teach myself to see the other side of each stories.. while learning to observe and read between the lines..

Here.. I can be me... 
~:: *** ::~

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

~:: sHaTtErEd : PaRt 2 ::~


"A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us." 
Friedrich Nietzsche
No one can deny.. that life is full of ups and downs... that's the prove that we are living... However.. when we down at the bottom.. It is not a justification to allow anyone to step on you... or kick you when you down there... helpless and hopeless... 


But most of us are creatures of greed and selfishness... that think of themselves before others... so most of these creatures of habit will never see what they do is heartless.. crushing and shattering other people hopes and dreams as long as they achieve theirs... If you can't beat them.. join them... 

So be these creatures and protect yourselves... 

I've been living in hopes and dreams for so long.. but when reality finally comes.. It shattered me into pieces... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEjEcTiOn ::~

"After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken."
Jodi Picoult (Salem Falls)


This is very straight forward.. but very true.. it may seem disgusting.. and cruel... but this displays correctly... when love is sincere .. they will truly gave their heart... and that is how it felt to be betrayed...

All that's left was just a footstep over a crushed heart...

~:: *** ::~