~ Demi Masa ~

Sunday, May 19, 2013

~:: tHe PeNdUluM ::~

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." 
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



I have can not  find ways to describe this beautiful peace... Other than.. Watch and feels..
Yes... Time flies and waits for no man.. appreciate what you have when you still have it.. But learn to let go when the time comes...

Live.. Learnt.. Let go..

~ *** ~

~:: nO wOrDs ::~

"But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie." 
Khaled Hosseini


All the hurt I am feeling and trying to fight right now.. Left me with no words

~ *** ~

Saturday, May 11, 2013

~:: rEaLiTy SuCks ::~

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." 
— Albert Einstein

I've been having a tough time lately... Struggling through defeat of having to lost everything I ever fight and dream for... and having to face a fear of it might be too late for me to start over.. well even I don't really know how to put it whether it is a rejection or betrayal.. or a classic case of people stop believing in you and just gave up on you..


But deep inside I think I had took it as a betrayal... because having to trust someone so much but then just end up facing the things that you never thought they would done to you is rough.. it left me in a state of disbelieve for quite a while.. refusing to accept the fact.. left me in denial.. basically.. I was tormented.. 

I was angry.. but more towards myself.. for failing to see this coming or letting it come.. but most of it because knowing that I had push myself so hard.. putting so much effort and time in this.. risking everything I ever had.. just to face that all of it does not matter.. because the end result is.. I've failed...

The truth is... as of now.. I still haven't see that silver lining.. I am still fighting over my unstable emotions.. and  still feels like trashing everything sometimes.. but whatever it is.. I know I can get over this... one way or  another.. 

I know I need to find a way to get up on my feet again...but right now... I just do not want to push myself too hard and end up getting more frustrated.. although my head won't stop spinning to try to find a way... God.. how I feels like jumping off a cliff most of the time now.. but what good does it give.. sleeping is the best method I have found so far of temporary ease the pain.. 

Whatever it is.. the fact is.. what's done is done.. there's only so much I can control.. I've given my best... although in the end.. it doesn't even matter...  

For me it's tougher to bounce back from betrayal.. because trust needs to be earn...

~:: *** ::~

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

~:: pAiN - pArT 3 ::~

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." 
Rose Kennedy

I couldn't agree more with that..

Pains stays.. It's just that we either learnt to deal with it.. hide it.. or just plainly ignores it...  Yes.. pains can also teaches you something.. but I wonder why can't life lesson be less painful.. furthermore scars on the  heart cannot be seen by anyone.. as a prove that you have undergone that lesson before.. so is that why life keeps giving you the same lesson over an over again..

Yes.. we cannot put the blame on the lesson of life other then blaming yourself for not being able to produce the different outcome.. but how can one blame themselves if they had given the best that they can give... but the outcome still comes with the gift of pain... We can only control ourselves and how we react towards something not the outcome of it..


And when you down at the bottom.. it's hard to pick yourself up again.. the weight of the pain will keep dragging you down.. Yes.. I know that there is no other way but to live with it and move on... drag yourself if you must... because time will keep on ticking and leave you behind without healing that pain.. but sometimes the exhaustion just makes me want to just lay down..  immobilize.. and let everything else leaves me.. so I can just catch my breath before dragging myself again..

If pains heals.. why does my heart keeps breaking a little seeing something that reminded me of the pain..
Wonder if someone can actually die of a broken heart...

~:: *** ::~