~:: iBrAh DaRi UjIaN ::~

”Dunia penjara bagi orang Mukmin dan Syurga bagi orang kafir.” 

(Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Sudah lama rasanya tidak menulis di sini walau pernah berkata pada diri laman ini akan ku jadikan laman terapi tempat luahan hati.

Teringat diri akan satu pesanan dari Ustaz Pahrol Mohamad Juoi :

Allah memberi peringatan kepada hambaNya dengan ujian kecil seperti membaling batu-batu kecil. Biar rasa sakit sikit untuk menguji samada hambaNya mengingatinya dan berusaha memperbaiki dirinya. Tapi jika si hamba masih alpa dalam mengingatiNya, Allah turunkan musibah umpama membaling batu blok, sebagai panggilan untuk menguji tahap keimanan kita. 

Walau mungkin bukan ayat itu yang dituturkan namun lebih kurang begitulah pesanannya.

Hakikatnya, kita tidak boleh lari dari kenyataan bahawa hidup ini adalah untuk menguji kita. Untuk itu jugalah dunia itu dicipta. Untuk menguji.

Siapalah kita untuk menolak ujian yang diberikan. Siapalah kita untuk membenci setiap ujian yang diberikan. Tidakkah kita sedar kita hanya hambaNya, yang hidupnya kita ini pun juga atas belas ehsanNya. Sedangkan telah termaktub bagi mereka yang mengaku Islam untuk mematuhi rukunNya yang meyakini bahawa setiap ketetapan adalah dari Allah dan atas kehendak Allah.

Diri ini harus perlu terus mengingati, bahawa Allah menguji bukan untuk menghukum. Allah menguji adalah untuk menegur. Untuk memanggil kita kembali pada jalanNya. Mungkin ada kesalahan yang kita lakukan yang tidak kita sedari. Mungkin ada kelalaian dalam keikhlasan hati yang kita tidak ketahui. Jadi Allah menegur. Itulah sebabnya bijak pandai menyatakan Allah menguji kerana sayang. Jadi yakinilah bahawa diri ini bertuah kerana Allah menyayangimu.

Meskipun itu bukan alasan untuk hanya berserah tanpa usaha, namun menyedari hakikat ini mampu buat diri lebih tenang untuk mengatur jalan tuju ini dengan hati yang lebih lapang. Kerana... Jika diri ini disayang Allah. Apa lagi yang perlu dikhuatiri selain untuk menyayangiNya kembali...

~:: tHe PeNdUluM ::~

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." 

— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have can not  find ways to describe this beautiful peace... Other than.. Watch and feels..
Yes... Time flies and waits for no man.. appreciate what you have when you still have it.. But learn to let go when the time comes...

Live.. Learnt.. Let go..

~ *** ~

~:: nO wOrDs ::~

"But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie." 

— Khaled Hosseini

All the hurt I am feeling and trying to fight right now.. Left me with no words

~ *** ~

~:: rEaLiTy SuCks ::~

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." 

— Albert Einstein

I've been having a tough time lately... Struggling through defeat of having to lost everything I ever fight and dream for... and having to face a fear of it might be too late for me to start over.. well even I don't really know how to put it whether it is a rejection or betrayal.. or a classic case of people stop believing in you and just gave up on you..

But deep inside I think I had took it as a betrayal... because having to trust someone so much but then just end up facing the things that you never thought they would done to you is rough.. it left me in a state of disbelieve for quite a while.. refusing to accept the fact.. left me in denial.. basically.. I was tormented.. 

I was angry.. but more towards myself.. for failing to see this coming or letting it come.. but most of it because knowing that I had push myself so hard.. putting so much effort and time in this.. risking everything I ever had.. just to face that all of it does not matter.. because the end result is.. I've failed...

The truth is... as of now.. I still haven't see that silver lining.. I am still fighting over my unstable emotions.. and  still feels like trashing everything sometimes.. but whatever it is.. I know I can get over this... one way or  another.. 

I know I need to find a way to get up on my feet again...but right now... I just do not want to push myself too hard and end up getting more frustrated.. although my head won't stop spinning to try to find a way... God.. how I feels like jumping off a cliff most of the time now.. but what good does it give.. sleeping is the best method I have found so far of temporary ease the pain.. 

Whatever it is.. the fact is.. what's done is done.. there's only so much I can control.. I've given my best... although in the end.. it doesn't even matter...  

For me it's tougher to bounce back from betrayal.. because trust needs to be earn...

~:: *** ::~

~:: pAiN - pArT 3 ::~

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." 

— Rose Kennedy

I couldn't agree more with that..

Pains stays.. It's just that we either learnt to deal with it.. hide it.. or just plainly ignores it...  Yes.. pains can also teaches you something.. but I wonder why can't life lesson be less painful.. furthermore scars on the  heart cannot be seen by anyone.. as a prove that you have undergone that lesson before.. so is that why life keeps giving you the same lesson over an over again..

Yes.. we cannot put the blame on the lesson of life other then blaming yourself for not being able to produce the different outcome.. but how can one blame themselves if they had given the best that they can give... but the outcome still comes with the gift of pain... We can only control ourselves and how we react towards something not the outcome of it..

And when you down at the bottom.. it's hard to pick yourself up again.. the weight of the pain will keep dragging you down.. Yes.. I know that there is no other way but to live with it and move on... drag yourself if you must... because time will keep on ticking and leave you behind without healing that pain.. but sometimes the exhaustion just makes me want to just lay down..  immobilize.. and let everything else leaves me.. so I can just catch my breath before dragging myself again..

If pains heals.. why does my heart keeps breaking a little seeing something that reminded me of the pain..
Wonder if someone can actually die of a broken heart...

~:: *** ::~

~:: jOuRnEy ::~

"We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us." -  Marcel Proust

28th April 2009.. 

This is when I've decided to put my thought in this pages.. With no intention other than just to write whatever comes to mind.. whatever I wanted to.. without any expectation..

There are times... I've even stop coming here for quite sometimes.. but then came the twist in life that had put so much unwanted emotions inside of me that I need some place to get these emotions and rage out of my head... or it will literally blow me inside out... so this place becoming sort of therapy to me when my real life are going through it's ups and downs..

Because through my life journey... I've also learn that there is no other person to trust but yourself.. there is no other person can help you but yourself.. there is no other person to help you cope with life struggle but yourself.. and words can soothe me... can teach me to see and hear and feels differently..

Here... I can teach myself to see the other side of each stories.. while learning to observe and read between the lines..

Here.. I can be me... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: sHaTtErEd : PaRt 2 ::~

"A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us." 

— Friedrich Nietzsche

No one can deny.. that life is full of ups and downs... that's the prove that we are living... However.. when we down at the bottom.. It is not a justification to allow anyone to step on you... or kick you when you down there... helpless and hopeless... 

But most of us are creatures of greed and selfishness... that think of themselves before others... so most of these creatures of habit will never see what they do is heartless.. crushing and shattering other people hopes and dreams as long as they achieve theirs... If you can't beat them.. join them... 

So be these creatures and protect yourselves... 

I've been living in hopes and dreams for so long.. but when reality finally comes.. It shattered me into pieces... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEjEcTiOn ::~

"After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken."

— Jodi Picoult (Salem Falls)

This is very straight forward.. but very true.. it may seem disgusting.. and cruel... but this displays correctly... when love is sincere .. they will truly gave their heart... and that is how it felt to be betrayed...

All that's left was just a footstep over a crushed heart...

~:: *** ::~

~:: mEmOrIeS : pArT 2 ::~

"What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it." -  Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Sometimes we just need to accept the facts that.. Although how hard we try to hold on to something we cherish.. One day when we wake up.. We realize that.. What was left was just the memories of it.. Because nothing is permanent.. 

And when those memories comes back to haunt you.. It can make lift you up or throw you to the bottom.. Because memories can also be accompanied by loneliness..

Memories can comes with a smiles... But then left you with tears...

~:: *** ::~

~:: a LiTtLe DoSe oF lAuGhTeR ::~

Base on what he said as the most annoying.. I think no one escape it.. which included himself..

But still.. I can't help laughing to this.. 

~:: gRoW uP & sMeLl ThE cOfFeE ::~

Yes... Life can be hard most of the times.. especially when you are growing older... 

Realizing all the responsibility that you have to take..  On every action that you have made.. It's difficult to run away from this responsibility.. because not deciding in anything is also a decision itself.. 

So grow up and smell the coffee.. what had happen.. had happen.. the damaged has been done.. there is no other way but to accept it and live with it.. deal with it..

Self pity are not sexy...

~:: *** ::~

~:: bEaUtY ::~

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Jim Henson

This is a very nice video.. trying to tells us that how we see ourselves is not necessary how people sees us.. yeah.. although it chooses people that is generally already can be considered beautiful.. but the message is still very deep.. 

But the main point is.. what I can catch is that when this woman said.. "then they asked us to get friendly with this woman ".. So.. for me it means that how people sees us is related to the way how we make them feel.. If this woman is being rude with the other woman.. I don't think she will then describe her in a nice way.. 

The bottom line is.. how we made people feels impacts more..

~:: *** ::~

~:: sUrFaCe ::~

Most people just see on the surface.. and from it they saw what they wanted to see. without even thinking.. they automatically start judging.. assessing what is beauty and what is not.. what they find pleasing and what they thought not..

Which then sometimes makes them forget that what they are seeing is might not unnecessary be true.. because sometimes.. Someone who might appear so strong on the surface.. Might not be that all the way through...

Because sometimes due to unwanted circumstances.. In order to survive.. People will learn to hide what they really feel inside.. So well..

~:: *** ::~

~:: sUnSeT ::~

"Sunset is the saddest light there is." 

— Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life Of Bees)

I've always love to see the sun setting down.. Yes.. it might be the saddest light there is.. But I know that it never occur to us to change any colors that is there in the sunset.. Because it is also one of the most beautiful light there is..

Same goes to life.. For me.. All the emotions that we felt in our life is like this beautiful colors.. Sadness or happiness or whatever it is.. It is what give the color to our canvas of life.. 

Lets learnt to cherish whatever came in our life as we cherish the beauty of the sunset..

~:: *** ::~

~:: pElAyArAn : PaRt 2 ::~

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... di sebuah lautan yang luas..

Telah tetap arah yang ingin dituju.. 

Namun kekadang tersasar dek badai dan gelombang...

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... Yang telah tetap arah yang ingin dituju..

Namun tiada pasti kan tiba di pelabuhan..

Atau karam dipertengahan.. 

~:: fLy AwAy ::~

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time. "

— Jean de La Fontaine

So they said.. but why does I feel like mine won't go away.. following me like a shadow than only grown bigger when I was in the dark... Haunted me like a ghost... What is it that I had done wrong.. Does one false move lead me into a continues false move?

Somehow I feels that this is not where I am suppose to be..

~:: *** ::~

~:: wInDoWs Of LiFe ::~

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Although window is only maybe just a small space consume by a big room.. it's necessity is undeniable.. without it light cannot shine in.. without it we will be suffocated in a room without an air.. And a room with a view makes a lot more different then a room without... but where can we see the view if not through a window.. sometimes we forget how important the smallest things that is always there... until it is gone..


Looking through a window to a beautiful view always make me feels as I was somewhere else.. Feel like I had somehow flown outside my own body looking at myself..

~:: *** ::~

~:: lIfE iS lIkE a GaMe ::~

I was playing this game and get stuck at a level.. It's a strategy and puzzle game where player must achieved a certain target to get to the next level.. The player can still make a move if there are still indicator that known as "spirit" is still available.. These "spirit" will be available randomly each time player made it's move.. If they able to arrange the sequence needed with the "spirit" in this sequence then they are able to collect the "spirit" because each move made will cause you a "spirit". Anyhow..I don't know whether what I am explaining made sense.. Anyone who had played surely understand I guess..

But it is not about the game that I am trying to tell .. It's just that it occurs to me that life itself is so much like this game... 

Each move or decision we made caused us something.. Wrong decision can make us stuck at the same place.. And each time we had achieved the certain level in our life.. the challenges gets tougher.. But what matters the most is that.. If we give up playing then we cannot proceed to the higher level and we cannot skip the stages.. So we will be freeze there... 

But.. There is one thing that is different.. In a game when we see that we are failing.. we can restart the game.. How I wish life is like that which is wasn't.. And we can choose to play another game if we somehow get bored of this game..

But our life is the one and only game that we need to win... 

~:: *** ::~

~:: hUjAn : PaRt 2 ::~

Hujan yang turun bersama air mata..

Bersama pedih, bersama rindu..

Benar... Menitisnya hujan ke bumi.. Sering membawa bersama sendu..

Sering membawa bersama rindu..

Rindu pada masa indah sewaktu masa dahulu..

Yang kini hanya menjadi nostalgia sayu..

Kerana hadirnya hujan.. yang jatuh ke pipi..

Seolah amat mengerti apa rasa hati...

~:: iNsPiRaTiOnAl ::~

If today were the last day of my life..

Remembering that all be dead soon.. is the most important tool I have ever encountered to help me made big choices in life...

This is deep...

~:: dIfFeReNt ::~

Here's to the crazy ones.. 

This made me not scared of being called crazy :) ...

~:: fAiLuRe ::~

If you never fail.. You've never lived...

~:: iNtEgRiTy ::~

Tell the truth.. And accept the consequences...

~:: mOtIvAtIoN ::~

Life is scary.. get used to it... 

SO TRUE..

~ :: wOrDs ::~

It is true that... words can heal.. words can kills.. 

So.. Choose your words wisely..

~:: sUrViVaL ::~

The smallest pain in our little finger gives us more concern than the destruction of millions of our fellow being.. by William Hazlitt

And I can't agree more.. that is how we should always remember how each individual sees the world.. So that we did not try to please them so much.. and waste our time and energy just to be likable..

Although how much they think bad about us.. or how much they say they cared about us.. at the end of it.. what matters to them is themselves.. they only think about you just long enough till something else happens to them..

Maybe it is just human survival techniques... Yourselves before others..

~:: *** ::~

~:: iNsAnItY ::~

Albert Einstein once said that :

Insanity is doing the same thing over an over again and expecting different results

So am I insane now if I am doing what he said as defining insanity? But what if there is no other way around. But I would also like to disagree with myself by saying that. Of course there will always be another way around. There is always two side of everything..

But what if I had done the other way around but end up still in the same place.. Am I still insane then?

~:: *** ::~

~:: kOsOnG ::~

Entah mana yang lebih menyakitkan.. Dihina.. dicaci.. dan dipukul bertubi..

Atau dianggap tiada dan tidak dipeduli..

Entah mana yang lebih menyakitkan..Diketuk berkali dan diubati..

Atau dibiar mati tanpa dikebumi..

\Entah mana yang lebih menyakitkan... Hadir namun tak mampu ada..

Atau sendiri dan menyepi..

Entahlah semuanya tetap menyakitkan..

~:: *** ::~

~:: lIfE fRoM a ReAr ViEw MiRrOr - PaRt 2 ::~

I'm fighting this bad habit... I want to get out from this one..

There's nothing there for me in the past... and I must not wasted anymore time on it..

But it is easier said than done..

Since then was more beautiful.. and the future is uncertain and scary..

I pray.. I pray that I will be guided with a way to be out from this habit..

Because there is truly nothing there for me anymore...

~:: *** ::~

~:: dAmAgEd ::~

Too know that how can a small child endure so much physical and emotional torture, is truly heart breaking.. To make it even more heart breaking is that this is a written based on a true story.. However.. this story scares me a bit.. to know that how a pain that was constantly put on someone can changed that person deep in side.. damaged it.. How this kid "Jodie" unconsciously developed a weird mechanism that she was unable   to control in order cope with the previous pain scares me a lot...

Can pain actually do that? But if this is truly a true story, then I guess it can..

How a skin that was repeatedly wounded can be damaged.. I guess goes the same with the heart.. And the problem is.. wound can be seen an treated at the spot it was wounded.. but if the wound is deep inside which cannot be seen by naked eyes.. and was keep hidden for so long.. what will happen to it??

~:: *** ::~

~:: lOsT fOr WoRdS ::~

Too many things going on in my mind right now..

All the words I wanted to say jumble up in my head...

But none of it are able to get out..

As a result all this war in my head dragging me down..

Honestly.. I have never felt this tired before..

This life is an endless battle..

And I know I need to keep myself strong..

Am I going to be a casualty in THIS battle?

~:: *** ::~

~:: mEmOrY lAnE ~ pArT 2 ::~

I promised myself not to mourn over the past.. 

since there's no way that I can change it..

I promised myself not to continue reminiscing the past.. 

although there stays the best moment of my life is..

But I've stayed there so long... 

That I don't know how to move forward anymore..

But I've stayed there so long..

That I don't know the way to nowhere anymore..

I feel stuck..

How.. how can I move from this..

How.. how can I learn to live again..

~::  *** ::~

~:: sUnYi ::~

Sunyi itu sepi.. Namun adakalanya indah..

Sunyi itu sepi.. Namun adakalanya memekakkan..

Sunyi itu aku.. Yang mencari makna diri...

Sunyi itu aku.. Yang mencari jalan kembali...

Namun sunyi itu perlu bagiku..

Untuk aku kembali mencari aku disebalik kemusnahan itu

~:: *** ::~

~:: pAiN - pArT 2 ::~

I don't know if my words were clear enough.. To tell how I feel..

I know sometimes it didn't make sense.. But that is how I feel..

At least I do understand what I wrote..

To tell it to people.. they might just be misunderstood..

Worst of all they might not even care to even listen..

At least here I had no expectation...

At least here.. I still can come back and find it is still there.. 

Everybody leaves.. I know..

But...

~:: *** ::~

~:: lEt Me Be ::~

A moment to myself.. Is all I asked for..

A moment to myself.. To find my strength once more..

A moment to myself.. So I can learn to forgive me..

A moment to myself.. So I can again find me..

Let me be.. Let me be.. Give me time to search me..

Let me be.. Let me be.. Hope I can still find me..

~:: *** ::~

~:: lAlAnG ::~

Hidup jangan ibarat lalang..

Yang tiada pendirian..

Sekejap ke kiri.. Sekejap ke kanan...

Hanya mengikut arus mendatang...

Hidup jangan ibarat lalang...

Yang menghalang jalan...

Tunggu masa untuk dibuang..

Kerna dibenci orang..

~:: *** ::~

~:: tAbAh - PaRt 2 ::~

Ada yang kata hatiku keras bagaikan batu kerikil..

Malah ada yang cuba memahatnya menjadi kecil..

Namun itu bukan caranya...

Itu hanya memburukkan semuanya..

Tidakkah mereka terfikir..

Bagaimana arus sungai memecah kerikil...

Bagaimana arus itu yang terus mengalir...

Membina laluan dengan lembut dan damai...

Itulah caranya memecah kerikil..

Dengan hikmah dan berterusan..

Bukan dengan paksaan dan kekerasan..

Namun biarkanlah hati ini terus mengeras umpama kerikil supaya sakitnya tidak lagi terasa..

~:: *** ::~

~:: dReAmS - pArT 2 ::~

Last night I had a dream..

Which I guess is more like a memories of the good old days..

When all was like a fairy tale...

When all was too good to be true..

But then the morning comes..

And the fairy tales end without an ending...

Sometimes... I wish I could stay in the dream forever..

~:: *** ::~

~:: vEnGeAnCe ::

For me that's the tagline for this book.. for post-modern crime novel lover.. All I can about this book is recommended.. recommended.. and recommended indeed.. Yup... I was truly gone when I was reading this book.. Gone within the fantasy of this author..

The story reminds you not to mess with a girl.. coz her revenge can mess you world for a live time.. be careful in who you love... because she/he might not be the one you thought you knew..

~:: *** ::~

~:: tHe BoY wItHoUt A fAcE ::~

This anime is deep..
Feeling out of place..
But anyway the boy somehow learns that all people a fake..
True colors any come out when misfortune befalls upon them...

Somehow I do feel like the boy who at the beginning...
Not knowing how to fit in...

~:: *** ::~

~:: wIsHiNg FoR aN aNgEl ::~

I have been through a lot,

To get to where I am,

Giving all that I have got,

Trying as much as I can.

When all I’ve done turn out wrong,

Don’t know what to do to keep going strong,

I push myself to keep holding on,

Until all my strength is finally gone.

All by myself I stand alone,

Through all the pain that I can never show,

Wishing someday an angel will come,

To share my burden and make it none.

~:: *** ::~ 

~:: hAlAmAn SePi - PaRt 2 ::~

Kekadang hati ingin berbicara.. 

Tentang terlalu banyak perkara..

Tentang segala rasa.. Tentang segala rahsia..

Namun hati ini tahu... Bahawa tidak semua yang akan mengerti..

Tidak semua yang akan memahami..

Malah hati ini amat mengerti... Bahawa tidak semua yang akan peduli...

Lantas.. Hati memilih untuk menyepi..

~:: *** ::~

~:: gOoDbYe JaNuArY 2013 ::~

Time is sure flying fast.. A month has pass by...

And yet.. I am still counting the days...

Knowing that it passes by..

But not knowing how to change..

Life is so beautiful..

And yet I'm missing it...

What if someday... I fall asleep.. 

And does not have a chance to wake up anymore...
But now I am sure that nobody will miss me...

~:: *** ::~

~:: bEaUtIfUl LiEs ::~

Sometimes I used to wonder...

If I am missing someone so much does that meant that the one you're missing is missing you too?..

Well guess what... Of courses not..

It is just a beautiful promises..

All the beautiful promises are lies...

It's a promise as long as what was promised benefit the one given the promises..

When the circumstances changed.. so does the promises..

Don't live in fantasies... because somehow in a mysterious way.. It can kills you inside..

~:: *** ::~

~:: pAiN ::~

Last night I felt so scared...

I cried myself to sleep..

I cried and cried.. until the pain in my head is killing me..

The pain strangle me literally..

That I cannot breath..

I still feels like crying but the pain force me to stop..

So I stop..

But my body keeps shaking..

All I know is I'm scared.. I am so scared..

Because I leave the world behind and than my world left me..
Can't I stop it.. No.. I have no right to stop it..

Now.. I've lost everything over it and still I've not done good enough to own it..
Now I am alone.. I am truly alone...

It's too late I said.. It's too late I know..

So how can I start over..

I am not strong.. but I am just pretending..

And.. when  alone like this.. 

I am still shaking and bleeding..

Please... All I need is more strength to keep pretending...

Because.. My superman has died...

~:: *** ::~

~:: aLl FaLl DoWn ::~

What do I expect when I am stacking a pile of hope so high that I left all what matters most behind.. 

What do I expect of spending so much times and so many years waiting for something that was already dead..
What do I got from all this? Just to face the mirror and see my own stupidity...
There's nobody to blame but me really..
I am the one who is stupid enough to believe that my dream can be real for once.
Although I know I will never be good enough to have it...
God... It hurt's so much...
But the world won't stop spinning...
And the days won't stop changing...
Just because of my pain..

So... what else can I do but to keep pretending that I am strong enough and keep on smiling..
Although the pain sometimes so overwhelming that it literally left me breathless and physically hurts me..

But what more can I do but to accept it..
I won't force something that don't want to stay to stay..
Why should they stay when in their heart I am never good enough..

 It's proven time by time...
That people will only think of themselves..
And still I am being fooled to think otherwise...

~:: *** ::~

~: gOnE - pArT 2 :~

Ever wonder why people changed..

Ever so slowly.. they change to a person that you doesn't even recognize anymore..

They've becoming a stranger...

The place that they once have in you life suddenly becoming hollow..

But somehow it happens ever so gradually..

That suddenly all you feel is emptiness..

Ever wonder why people change..

Maybe so that you can learn to let go..

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEd ::~

This animation is so sweet...

Talking about how look can be deceiving.. 

Nice things to see not always means nice..

Vice versa..

~:: *** ::~

~:: tHe FoReSt ::~

This beautiful art work it's kind of  twisted and different...

From what I can understand that.. it is true...
We are living on people expectation on how we should be living..
Not so many people can understand and except...
Us being different...

~:: *** ::~

~:: eVeRy AcTiOn HaS aN eQuAl AnD oPpOsItE rEaCtIoN ::~

Yes... This is Sir Issac Newton's third laws of physics.. but personally I don't think it is only important to space flight only... I think same law applies to our every day life..

This is what this book is trying to say... how the effect of constant pressure can eventually caused something to burst out.. some goes with the Newton law... if you push on anything it will push back on you... the book is allegorically telling that what ever action you've made can caused an expected or not.. but it will caused something..

The books also try to say that sometimes what we think the best we can give to someone we love is not actually what they wanted.. they same love we gave to one person will not gave the same result to another person.. 

This book is complicated but the way I like it.. this is the second time I've read it.. how I envy this writer's skill.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: dReAmS ::~

Sometimes dreams can cut you deep..

Left you building high hopes to what is still uncertain..

Without even realizing that with it comes a risk of falling hard on the ground..

Yes.. dreams and hope does hurt so much sometimes...

Especially when yours has crashed to the ground...

And it hurts much harder when you see someone else reached theirs..

My dreams hurt me so bad sometimes..

But I am still hoping...

~:: *** ::~

~:: a PlAcE wHeRe I bElOnG ::~

Ever felt that you do not know where you belong?

Ever felt that you are somewhere outside looking in?

Ever felt lost in a place that you have been staying for many years?

Ever felt you can't take it no more but you can't let it go?

Then you will ask yourself.. is this where I belong?

~:: *** ::~

~:: fAtHeRlY lOvE ::~

Just finished reading this one..

Love it... it's so funny and sweet... this book was written by a son to capture the beautiful but awkward and kind of funny advised given by his father.. which I think is soooo sweet..

I can't help myself by laughing out loud to while reading this... it's a stress release.. though the dad love cursing but he was trying to give a good advice actually...

Good read.. love this.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: pElAyArAn ::~

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... di sebuah lautan yang luas..

Ada masanya segala tenang berlalu.. bagai tanpa halangan...

Angin yang sama.. ada masanya kawan.. ada masanya lawan...

Sama juga arus yang sama.. ada masanya membelai.. ada masanya membadai..

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... yang akan berlabuh di destinasinya..

Bila nyawa tak lagi dibadan....

~:: *** :: ~

~:: gIfT ::~

I believed everyone was given a gift..

A gift that can be used to help them in their life..

A gift that can be used to help other..

A gift that can be used to change the life of someone..

Or even can change the world...

But in order to use it they have to search for it..

Some people find it.. some people don't..

I wonder what is the gift that was given to me and where is it?

Will I have enough time to be able to find it?

If I found it will I be able to use it?

~:: ***  :: ~

~:: dEcIsIoN ::~

I've finished reading this one.. I have to say Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite author.. I love the way she twisted the plot.. with her story of love.. families and my favorite topics... that is on the way people think and act...  because for me human psychology is always the biggest mystery of all time..

In this book it's all about decisions.. on how the character supposed to make the decision to the one they love by guessing what the person would like to want most.. It is also about sometimes we thought we could clearly guessed why someone act or made the decision that they did...just to know at the end of it what we thought we know all along is wrong.. and sometimes we although we think that the decision was made out of selfishness turn out to be that the person made that decision out of love...

For me it says.. what the book trying to say is that..  just because you love someone and think you know them enough to know what they were thinking when they done something that hurt you.. it does not mean that you guessed it correctly..

How I wish I could write like this..

~:: *** ::~

~:: iNvEnTiOn Of LoVe ::~

This animated short film is very touching..

Nothing can replace the real thing....

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEaD bEtWeEn ThE lInEs ::~

I believed that sometimes most people says what day don't mean.. 

Sometimes they also behave they way people wanted them to not the way they wanted it to be..

But why is it so? Is it the right thing to do?.. 

Or is it because they want to make themselves feel accepted..

I also did it most of the times..

So that I can feel I belong somewhere...

But it is kind of difficult.. since each individual had a different expectation of what they want..

So who then should I satisfy? 

I think the correct one is the one who determine the absoluteness of wrong and right...

~:: *** ::~

~:: dArI mAtA hAtI ::~

Jika sudi meneliti... memerhati dengan mata hati.. tiada apa yang tidak indah.. 

Jika sudi meneliti.. mendengar bisikkan kata naluri.. tiap sesuatu itu penuh madah..

Jika sudi meneliti... berbicara dari sanubari yang suci.. tiap kata kan menjadi pengubat gundah....

Tunas yang baru ingin bercambah.. dibalik jalinan kerikil bertaburan..

Seolah berkata inilah harapan.. yang bercambar dari serpihan masa yang silam.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: tHe BeGiNnInG - pArT 2 ::~

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani...

01 Januari 2013....

Tarikh baru dikalendar yang baru...

Bagaimana nasibku di tahun ini?

Aku masih tak pasti..

Apa harapanku di tahun ini?

Hanya agar dipermudahkan segala usaha dan rezeki...

Moga aku dikurniakan hadiah dari Ilahi yang aku sedari untuk aku manfaatkan untuk kebaikan hidupku dan juga kebaikkan mereka disekelilingku..

Jika panjang usiaku jadikanla aku manusia yang berguna..

Jika pendek usiaku kembalikanlah aku di dalam husnul khotimah...

~:: *** ::~