"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
— Albert Einstein
I've been having a tough time lately... Struggling through defeat of having to lost everything I ever fight and dream for... and having to face a fear of it might be too late for me to start over.. well even I don't really know how to put it whether it is a rejection or betrayal.. or a classic case of people stop believing in you and just gave up on you..
But deep inside I think I had took it as a betrayal... because having to trust someone so much but then just end up facing the things that you never thought they would done to you is rough.. it left me in a state of disbelieve for quite a while.. refusing to accept the fact.. left me in denial.. basically.. I was tormented..
I was angry.. but more towards myself.. for failing to see this coming or letting it come.. but most of it because knowing that I had push myself so hard.. putting so much effort and time in this.. risking everything I ever had.. just to face that all of it does not matter.. because the end result is.. I've failed...
The truth is... as of now.. I still haven't see that silver lining.. I am still fighting over my unstable emotions.. and still feels like trashing everything sometimes.. but whatever it is.. I know I can get over this... one way or another..
I know I need to find a way to get up on my feet again...but right now... I just do not want to push myself too hard and end up getting more frustrated.. although my head won't stop spinning to try to find a way... God.. how I feels like jumping off a cliff most of the time now.. but what good does it give.. sleeping is the best method I have found so far of temporary ease the pain..
Whatever it is.. the fact is.. what's done is done.. there's only so much I can control.. I've given my best... although in the end.. it doesn't even matter...
For me it's tougher to bounce back from betrayal.. because trust needs to be earn...
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