~:: gOoDbYe JaNuArY 2013 ::~

Time is sure flying fast.. A month has pass by...

And yet.. I am still counting the days...

Knowing that it passes by..

But not knowing how to change..

Life is so beautiful..

And yet I'm missing it...

What if someday... I fall asleep.. 

And does not have a chance to wake up anymore...
But now I am sure that nobody will miss me...

~:: *** ::~

~:: bEaUtIfUl LiEs ::~

Sometimes I used to wonder...

If I am missing someone so much does that meant that the one you're missing is missing you too?..

Well guess what... Of courses not..

It is just a beautiful promises..

All the beautiful promises are lies...

It's a promise as long as what was promised benefit the one given the promises..

When the circumstances changed.. so does the promises..

Don't live in fantasies... because somehow in a mysterious way.. It can kills you inside..

~:: *** ::~

~:: pAiN ::~

Last night I felt so scared...

I cried myself to sleep..

I cried and cried.. until the pain in my head is killing me..

The pain strangle me literally..

That I cannot breath..

I still feels like crying but the pain force me to stop..

So I stop..

But my body keeps shaking..

All I know is I'm scared.. I am so scared..

Because I leave the world behind and than my world left me..
Can't I stop it.. No.. I have no right to stop it..

Now.. I've lost everything over it and still I've not done good enough to own it..
Now I am alone.. I am truly alone...

It's too late I said.. It's too late I know..

So how can I start over..

I am not strong.. but I am just pretending..

And.. when  alone like this.. 

I am still shaking and bleeding..

Please... All I need is more strength to keep pretending...

Because.. My superman has died...

~:: *** ::~

~:: aLl FaLl DoWn ::~

What do I expect when I am stacking a pile of hope so high that I left all what matters most behind.. 

What do I expect of spending so much times and so many years waiting for something that was already dead..
What do I got from all this? Just to face the mirror and see my own stupidity...
There's nobody to blame but me really..
I am the one who is stupid enough to believe that my dream can be real for once.
Although I know I will never be good enough to have it...
God... It hurt's so much...
But the world won't stop spinning...
And the days won't stop changing...
Just because of my pain..

So... what else can I do but to keep pretending that I am strong enough and keep on smiling..
Although the pain sometimes so overwhelming that it literally left me breathless and physically hurts me..

But what more can I do but to accept it..
I won't force something that don't want to stay to stay..
Why should they stay when in their heart I am never good enough..

 It's proven time by time...
That people will only think of themselves..
And still I am being fooled to think otherwise...

~:: *** ::~

~: gOnE - pArT 2 :~

Ever wonder why people changed..

Ever so slowly.. they change to a person that you doesn't even recognize anymore..

They've becoming a stranger...

The place that they once have in you life suddenly becoming hollow..

But somehow it happens ever so gradually..

That suddenly all you feel is emptiness..

Ever wonder why people change..

Maybe so that you can learn to let go..

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEd ::~

This animation is so sweet...

Talking about how look can be deceiving.. 

Nice things to see not always means nice..

Vice versa..

~:: *** ::~

~:: tHe FoReSt ::~

This beautiful art work it's kind of  twisted and different...

From what I can understand that.. it is true...
We are living on people expectation on how we should be living..
Not so many people can understand and except...
Us being different...

~:: *** ::~

~:: eVeRy AcTiOn HaS aN eQuAl AnD oPpOsItE rEaCtIoN ::~

Yes... This is Sir Issac Newton's third laws of physics.. but personally I don't think it is only important to space flight only... I think same law applies to our every day life..

This is what this book is trying to say... how the effect of constant pressure can eventually caused something to burst out.. some goes with the Newton law... if you push on anything it will push back on you... the book is allegorically telling that what ever action you've made can caused an expected or not.. but it will caused something..

The books also try to say that sometimes what we think the best we can give to someone we love is not actually what they wanted.. they same love we gave to one person will not gave the same result to another person.. 

This book is complicated but the way I like it.. this is the second time I've read it.. how I envy this writer's skill.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: dReAmS ::~

Sometimes dreams can cut you deep..

Left you building high hopes to what is still uncertain..

Without even realizing that with it comes a risk of falling hard on the ground..

Yes.. dreams and hope does hurt so much sometimes...

Especially when yours has crashed to the ground...

And it hurts much harder when you see someone else reached theirs..

My dreams hurt me so bad sometimes..

But I am still hoping...

~:: *** ::~

~:: a PlAcE wHeRe I bElOnG ::~

Ever felt that you do not know where you belong?

Ever felt that you are somewhere outside looking in?

Ever felt lost in a place that you have been staying for many years?

Ever felt you can't take it no more but you can't let it go?

Then you will ask yourself.. is this where I belong?

~:: *** ::~

~:: fAtHeRlY lOvE ::~

Just finished reading this one..

Love it... it's so funny and sweet... this book was written by a son to capture the beautiful but awkward and kind of funny advised given by his father.. which I think is soooo sweet..

I can't help myself by laughing out loud to while reading this... it's a stress release.. though the dad love cursing but he was trying to give a good advice actually...

Good read.. love this.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: pElAyArAn ::~

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... di sebuah lautan yang luas..

Ada masanya segala tenang berlalu.. bagai tanpa halangan...

Angin yang sama.. ada masanya kawan.. ada masanya lawan...

Sama juga arus yang sama.. ada masanya membelai.. ada masanya membadai..

Bagiku..

Hidup ini sebuah pelayaran... yang akan berlabuh di destinasinya..

Bila nyawa tak lagi dibadan....

~:: *** :: ~

~:: gIfT ::~

I believed everyone was given a gift..

A gift that can be used to help them in their life..

A gift that can be used to help other..

A gift that can be used to change the life of someone..

Or even can change the world...

But in order to use it they have to search for it..

Some people find it.. some people don't..

I wonder what is the gift that was given to me and where is it?

Will I have enough time to be able to find it?

If I found it will I be able to use it?

~:: ***  :: ~

~:: dEcIsIoN ::~

I've finished reading this one.. I have to say Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite author.. I love the way she twisted the plot.. with her story of love.. families and my favorite topics... that is on the way people think and act...  because for me human psychology is always the biggest mystery of all time..

In this book it's all about decisions.. on how the character supposed to make the decision to the one they love by guessing what the person would like to want most.. It is also about sometimes we thought we could clearly guessed why someone act or made the decision that they did...just to know at the end of it what we thought we know all along is wrong.. and sometimes we although we think that the decision was made out of selfishness turn out to be that the person made that decision out of love...

For me it says.. what the book trying to say is that..  just because you love someone and think you know them enough to know what they were thinking when they done something that hurt you.. it does not mean that you guessed it correctly..

How I wish I could write like this..

~:: *** ::~

~:: iNvEnTiOn Of LoVe ::~

This animated short film is very touching..

Nothing can replace the real thing....

~:: *** ::~

~:: rEaD bEtWeEn ThE lInEs ::~

I believed that sometimes most people says what day don't mean.. 

Sometimes they also behave they way people wanted them to not the way they wanted it to be..

But why is it so? Is it the right thing to do?.. 

Or is it because they want to make themselves feel accepted..

I also did it most of the times..

So that I can feel I belong somewhere...

But it is kind of difficult.. since each individual had a different expectation of what they want..

So who then should I satisfy? 

I think the correct one is the one who determine the absoluteness of wrong and right...

~:: *** ::~

~:: dArI mAtA hAtI ::~

Jika sudi meneliti... memerhati dengan mata hati.. tiada apa yang tidak indah.. 

Jika sudi meneliti.. mendengar bisikkan kata naluri.. tiap sesuatu itu penuh madah..

Jika sudi meneliti... berbicara dari sanubari yang suci.. tiap kata kan menjadi pengubat gundah....

Tunas yang baru ingin bercambah.. dibalik jalinan kerikil bertaburan..

Seolah berkata inilah harapan.. yang bercambar dari serpihan masa yang silam.. 

~:: *** ::~

~:: tHe BeGiNnInG - pArT 2 ::~

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani...

01 Januari 2013....

Tarikh baru dikalendar yang baru...

Bagaimana nasibku di tahun ini?

Aku masih tak pasti..

Apa harapanku di tahun ini?

Hanya agar dipermudahkan segala usaha dan rezeki...

Moga aku dikurniakan hadiah dari Ilahi yang aku sedari untuk aku manfaatkan untuk kebaikan hidupku dan juga kebaikkan mereka disekelilingku..

Jika panjang usiaku jadikanla aku manusia yang berguna..

Jika pendek usiaku kembalikanlah aku di dalam husnul khotimah...

~:: *** ::~